Saturday, June 15, 2013
It is unmistakable when it starts. First, there is an overwhelming feeling of heat. A cold sweat beads up on your face. The heart begins to beat faster than what anyone thought was possible. You cannot remove the invisible hands around your neck that choke the life out of you. No matter how deep you grasp for a breath, there isn’t one. There is so much panic that only death will relieve you.
When I reach for my shoes or keys, it begins to coat me. When the sun has gone down, and I am only feet away from the front door, that is when I feel soaked in it. There is darkness about it that is nowhere near your typical sundown. This darkness is one that is crippling. One person out of seventy-five can share my hell. Panic attacks are made comical on television and movies. However, Panic attacks are anything but funny.
I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in 2006. I have suffered from anxiety my entire life. I guess you could say that my anxiety controls me. If I get to the front door, and my anxiety medications have not begun to work, I will turn around and head straight back to the comfort of my room. Yes, I have one spot downstairs, and one spot upstairs that I go to for comfort.
I must admit, there is nothing worse than having your two children watch you collapse into a pile of tears and fear. My children know my story. My children have met my mother. My children are incredibly understandable. My children see my strength.
As hard as it may be to grasp all of this, there is also strength that picks me up everyday and forces me out of my bed. Strength that forces me to drive cross country with my kids on a vacation to Maryland. It is during those times that my kids learn my strength and perseverance.
Friday, May 24, 2013
I recently posted an article regarding an armed march into Washington D.C., on July 4th, 2013, coordinated by Adam Kokesh.
I have come across additional information provided by Bobby Powell. Mr. Powell brings up some really important points that indicate that Mr. Kokesh's march into D.C. could end in a tragedy.
I encourage everyone who is considering to attend this march to please watch the following Youtube video.
I am personally very concerned that this march could actually fall into the hands of the wrong person. I beg you to watch this video and please keep and open mind.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Ah, the pain... yes
The bleeding of my soul.
The ugliness that sits behind the blue of the ocean;
The blue of the veins.
The sorrow that fills the air that I breathe;
The desperation to find the love that fills the void.
Ah, the emptiness of the heart.
The rhythm that it beats, is too, filled with pain.
The ache this heart has been privileged to.
The hate that this delicate muscle has absorbed.
Ah, the God that stood over this tired and frail child.
This child whose body tried to cease so young.
Only to be saved by the evil men in white.
The pain that stagnates around this soul,
the desertion to find any love;
For love is just filler upon our final breath.
Each day is another trial;
Each day is another quest of survival with minimal pain,
If God is the ultimate in love,
then God is my destination.
God is my desperation,
Was God then my desertion?
Ah, the pain... yes
The bleeding of my soul.
Linda L. Mitchell
Friday, May 10, 2013
I hate the way you talk to me
The way you make me cry
I hate that you do not know me
Or you almost let me die
I hate the way you babied me
You wouldn’t let me live
You made me do your hobbies
and mine you wouldn’t give
You never let me be myself
You never game me hugs
I’m not even sure of how you feel
I’m not sure if I’m even loved
Instead of instilling courage
You made me feel afraid
Instead of me having trust in you
You’ve instilled a lot of rage
I hate the way you treat my son
because he’s not like you
I hate your dumb excuses
I know they are not true
I hate that I’m not good enough
And never will I be
I hate how you’ve made me view myself
You taught me the world is dangerous
That I am not so strong
You taught me people all are bad
And they are always wrong
You taught me to always be afraid
To jump at everything
You taught me guilt and worst of all
You taught extreme self shame
You taught me to find my honor
by feeling all the blame
You taught me strife
You taught me grief
You gave me stress
But stole belief
You gave me life but took it back
You stole my hopes and dreams
You taught me to build a wall so high
For a feeling of false relief
You crushed the core of who I was
My heart and then my soul
For all this horror I daily lived
I must crush your toxic goals
I’m sorry it must now be this way
But this was all your choice
I have finally found a way out of hell
Thursday, May 9, 2013
As many of you know, the last nine months have been incredibly difficult for me. Between my Fibromyalgia and H. Pylori infection, to the cartilage degeneration of my knee, I have lived day by day. There were times when I truly did not think I would survive at all. I suppose my life wasn't the only thing hanging in the balance.
The United States also seems to be on life support. The 2012 election has come and gone, and our nation seems to be in the most fragile state I've ever seen.
The gravity of our nation’s despair is being seen and heard through the words of many United State Citizens. I only can hope and pray, that all citizens of this once great nation, will take five minutes out of their busy schedule to read the following words.
Although it is of my opinion that we have not reached the point of no return, I must acknowledge that we are closer than even I'd like to admit. Closer than I ever wanted to see. So, here are the thoughts of Christian Yingling. Words that have been echoed by many. Words that will leave you breathless. Words that may change the course of this country forever.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
It’s difficult to believe that I have not blogged for two months. I have had a few occasions in the past of illness or hectic scheduling that has prevented me from blogging, but nothing to this extent. Not blogging has been very difficult for me; But not nearly as difficult as the situation that I experienced.
My weak immune system has troubled me since birth. As a middle aged woman, I battle issues with my thyroids, fibromyalgia, arthritis and degenerative disk disease, to name a few. My most recent medical issue to surface had been a peptic ulcer.
Honestly, I wasn’t too horribly concerned with my latest medical condition. What’s two more small pills to add to my handful of medicines? I quickly noticed improvement with the acid reflux and the pain in my upper abdomen. I was pleased with the improvement and continued on with my life.
As the weeks went by, I took my medicine and lived my life as normally as I had before the ulcer. I found the Zantac and the Aciphex to be incredibly helpful and effective. I definitely noticed whenever I forgot to take it. The pain in the abdomen was rather strong. I was surprised that ulcers were as painful as they were.
I awoke election day to a pain in my chest that was far worse than any of the pain that I had been experiencing. I posted a casual comment on Facebook about the pain, and went about my routine, as best as possibly could. I was a bit surprised at the reaction of my friends, begging me to go to the hospital, for fear that I was having a heart attack. After many “reasons” as to why I could not go, I received a call from my mother in law. She told me she would cover the kid’s schedule, but that she wanted me to go to the hospital.
For thirty hours, I refused.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Whenever you start a story with a disclaimer, you know your probably in for a controversial story. So before I start, let me say that I would never put my children in harms way. That being said, I need to go back to October 5th, 2012, when our world here in Colorado seemed only half crazy.
For me, the fifth was just a normal Friday. The kids and I got up, and I took Ryan to school. Back home, the little guy and I would have started his schooling.
Toryn attends a virtual academy through Colorado public school. Anyway, after a normal day, I would have picked Ryan up from school and come home. After readying the house for my normal visit with my friend, off I go to take Ryan to his weekly Magic The Gathering, tournament.
After spending a pleasant evening with my close friend, I retired for the night.