Trampled and Torn

Pain

Ah, the pain... yes

The bleeding of my soul.

The ugliness that sits behind the blue of the ocean;

The blue of the veins.

The sorrow that fills the air that I breathe;

The desperation to find the love that fills the void.

Ah, the emptiness of the heart.

The rhythm that it beats, is too, filled with pain.

The ache this heart has been privileged to.

The hate that this delicate muscle has absorbed.

Ah, the God that stood over this tired and frail child.

This child whose body tried to cease so young.

Only to be saved by the evil men in white.

The pain that stagnates around this soul,

the desertion to find any love;

For love is just filler upon our final breath.

Each day is another trial;

Each day is another quest of survival with minimal pain,

If God is the ultimate in love,

then God is my destination.  

God is my desperation,

Was God then my desertion?

Ah, the pain... yes

The bleeding of my soul.

Linda L. Mitchell

2-14-2013

Cont...

Empty Heart, Empty Soul

                                                                   After Shock    

I hate the way you talk to me

The way you make me cry

I hate that you do not know me

Or you almost let me die

I hate the way you babied me 

You wouldn’t let me live

You made me do your hobbies

and mine you wouldn’t give

You never let me be myself

You never game me hugs

I’m not even sure of how you feel

I’m not sure if I’m even loved

Instead of instilling courage

You made me feel afraid

Instead of me having trust in you

You’ve instilled a lot of rage

I hate the way you treat my son

because he’s not like you

I hate your dumb excuses

I know they are not true

I hate that I’m not good enough

And never will I be

I hate how you’ve made me view myself 

My insecurities

You taught me the world is dangerous

That I am not so strong

You taught me people all are bad

And they are always wrong

You taught me to always be afraid

To jump at everything

You taught me guilt and worst of all

You taught extreme self shame

You taught me to find my honor

by feeling all the blame

You taught me strife

You taught me grief

You gave me stress

But stole belief

You gave me life but took it back

You stole my hopes and dreams

You taught me to build a wall so high

For a feeling of false relief

You crushed the core of who I was

My heart and then my soul

For all this horror I daily lived

I must crush your toxic goals

I’m sorry it must now be this way

But this was all your choice

I have finally found a way out of hell

I finally have found my voice!

Power, Corruption & Conflict

As many of you know, the last nine months have been incredibly difficult for me.  Between my Fibromyalgia and H. Pylori infection, to the cartilage degeneration of my knee, I have lived day by day.  There were times when I truly did not think I would survive at all.  I suppose my life wasn't the only thing hanging in the balance.  

The United States also seems to be on life support.  The 2012 election has come and gone, and our nation seems to be in the most fragile state I've ever seen.  

The gravity of our nation’s despair is being seen and heard through the words of many United State Citizens.  I only can hope and pray, that all citizens of this once great nation, will take five minutes out of their busy schedule to read the following words.  

Although it is of my opinion that we have not reached the point of no return, I must acknowledge that we are closer than even I'd like to admit. Closer than I ever wanted to see.  So, here are the thoughts of Christian Yingling.  Words that have been echoed by many.  Words that will leave you breathless.  Words that may change the course of this country forever. 

An Unearthly Visit

It’s difficult to believe that I have not blogged for two months.  I have had a few occasions in the past of illness or hectic scheduling that has prevented me from blogging, but nothing to this extent.  Not blogging has been very difficult for me; But not nearly as difficult as the situation that I experienced.  

My weak immune system has troubled me since birth.  As a middle aged woman, I battle issues with my thyroids, fibromyalgia, arthritis and degenerative disk disease, to name a few.  My most recent medical issue to surface had been a peptic ulcer.  

Honestly, I wasn’t too horribly concerned with my latest medical condition.  What’s two more small pills to add to my handful of medicines?  I quickly noticed improvement with the acid reflux and the pain in my upper abdomen.  I was pleased with the improvement and continued on with my life.

As the weeks went by, I took my medicine and lived my life as normally as I had before the ulcer.  I found the Zantac and the Aciphex to be incredibly helpful and effective.  I definitely noticed whenever I forgot to take it.  The pain in the abdomen was rather strong.  I was surprised that ulcers were as painful as they were. 

I awoke election day to a pain in my chest that was far worse than any of the pain that I had been experiencing.  I posted a casual comment on Facebook about the pain, and went about my routine, as best as possibly could.  I was a bit surprised at the reaction of my friends, begging me to go to the hospital, for fear that I was having a heart attack.  After many “reasons” as to why I could not go, I received a call from my mother in law.  She told me she would cover the kid’s schedule, but that she wanted me to go to the hospital. 

For thirty hours, I refused.  

Colorado Crazy: Mom or Magnum?

Whenever you start a story with a disclaimer, you know your probably in for a controversial story.  So before I start, let me say that I would never put my children in harms way.  That being said, I need to go back to October 5th, 2012, when our world here in Colorado seemed only half crazy.

For me, the fifth was just a normal Friday.  The kids and I got up, and I took Ryan to school.  Back home, the little guy and I would have started his schooling.

Toryn attends a virtual academy through Colorado public school.  Anyway, after a normal day, I would have picked Ryan up from school and come home.  After readying the house for my normal visit with my friend, off I go to take Ryan to his weekly Magic The Gathering, tournament.

After spending a pleasant evening with my close friend, I retired for the night.

Missing Jessica Ridgeway

Saturday morning began like every other morning.  I woke up, reached for my cell phone to check the time, then began my ritualistic search for the t.v. remote.

I’m a bit of a news junkie, and 7:30 a.m. is the perfect time to catch the news.  I must admit I was a little annoyed that I was awake so early on a Saturday morning.

Anyway... through dry, half wide, stinging eyes, I managed to locate the remote and change the channel from Saturday morning cartoons to channel 2, where a developing story was being reported on.

I so desperately wanted to stretch, but Buster (my cocky and lovable black cat) was wrapped around my head and neck.  Belle (my mouthy and prissy black and white cat) was stretched down my ribs and torso.  Instead, I stayed still, trying to adjust my eyes to the light, and taking in the news.

“How sad,” I thought and spoke aloud as I heard the reporter tell of a missing child.  

A Glimpse Behind the Mask (Part 2)

The last month has been very challenging for me.  I cannot thank my readers enough for being patient.  I was side lined for a month due to a new condition:  It has been very painful, and I was merely existing and not living.  I hope that I can get back on track and stay there.  

I will continue where I left off with Viewer’s Choice.

So....  When I read question nine, I chuckled.  There was irony of my failing health that struck me.  Ten years ago, I easily would have taken one million dollars over a lifetime of no illness.  Today, with my body battered and broken, I would forfeit one millions dollars to enjoy every day with my family and friends. Time without the pain, the struggles, the limitations, and the heating pad are easily worth one million. Money isn’t everything, but my husband and two boys are!  

The next question:  Name three pet peeves of mine. Well... that one is too easy.  I definitely have many pet peeves.  My first pet peeve is people who work our over burdened state and federal economic systems.  Whether it is a career welfare recipient, a person who is capable of working but chooses to use foot stamps and section eight housing, or a person who is “injured” in a fender bender and sues for a million dollars, (yes, that includes the coffee is too hot from McDonalds lady), these people are why our country is broke and going down the toilet.  

                           

All of these lazy scumbags cost each and every one of us in higher taxes, insurance premiums, and higher product pricing.  GET A JOB PEOPLE!  I owe you nothing.  If you are offended by this, maybe it is because you are guilty of one of these offenses yourself.  I have yet to talk to anyone who hasn’t abused the system that said... “You know, that was offensive.”  They have all agree with my position.